Have you ever noticed that the harder you try to date, the more frustrating it becomes? I see this happen from time to time with even the most positive, laid-back personalities. Here you are, scouring online profiles, finally giving in to meeting your best friend’s cousin who is living in a basement apartment…you even did speed dating a few times! Still, nada. Slowly you are beginning to feel pessimistic about the quality of single people that are out there, that no one has clear intentions of getting into a relationship, and frankly, that dating is a waste of time and energy. The thought may have even crossed your mind that your perpetually unemployed ex wasn’t so terrible after all.
Ugh. Such an icky place to be.
On the flip side, have you ever been on a date with someone you suspect is in a dating rut? It doesn’t end up being much fun. You spend the whole evening trying to cheer the person up, and that definitely isn’t sexy. No one wants to get into a relationship with someone who seems to have given up on the possibility of love and happiness. Just thinking about this scenario makes me never want to have sex again! Such a turn off! Don’t let yourself turn into a jaded dater!!
If while reading the above you found yourself nodding because you can completely relate, you need to hit the reset button on your dating life STAT. How does one hit the reset button on their dating life, you ask? It’s easy! Start taking care of you.
You don’t have to go into complete hibernation, but take a break from dating for a few weeks. Spend that time doing the things that you really enjoy. Catch up with someone you kept meaning to get together with for ages. Indulge yourself in some reality television shows that you’re too embarrassed to admit you take interest in (Small Town Security, anyone?). Go away for a spa weekend on your own. In other words, date yourself!
This will remind you of the fact that being single has a lot of luxuries. You can spend your time however you choose! No negotiating over what to watch on television, where to grab dinner, or who’s friends to hang out with. You can put off shaving for another day and eat cold Chinese food for breakfast without judgement. You can go out clubbing with your friends until the wee hours of the morning whenever you want to. Embrace all of your alone time habits and hobbies, because before you know it life as you know it will be over. BET YOU WANT TO GO LOOK FOR YOUR SOUL MATE NOW, DON’T YOU!?
Sure, having someone to wake up next to and to share you innermost thoughts with is awesome, but that person will have morning breath, and will probably interrupt you mid-sentence to remind you to renew the AAA membership. My point is, it all comes with a price.
Once you feel ready to get back into the swing of things, get pumped by splurging on a new outfit or get your hair done at a fancy-pants salon. Guys-nothing beats a nice shave and manicure by a professional. You may even want to try out a new perfume/cologne. It’s amazing how smells can transport us back to old feelings, good or bad, so if your Chanel #5 makes you think of that unfortunate blind date where the guy got so drunk he threw up in a cab, it might be time to make a change.
Next, try a different dating site or look into a dating service. If you go back to your old method you are likely to see familiar faces and that won’t inspire your confidence.
My mantra is let fun be your guide, so if you aren’t having fun, you can’t possibly attract a partner.
Happy (Not) Dating!